Tell Me, WHY????

That night, I had a broken night's sleep. For the first time in my life, I felt so lonely and disoriented in this disconcerting world. I had this feeling of my life being adrift. Excruciatingly, I mulled over my status, as I am breathing out my last days in university. but with no or very little hope to get a job or get myself out of Gaza, (one might regard me as a downer, but in fact, this dim view is shared by the majority of people, here). The outlook for the future seems rather dreary, trouncing any smack of hope that could stealthily creep up on our distressed hearts.

I still vividly can recall that real nightmare of the twenty-one day war which devoured the last feeble hope we foolishly thought we could live on. It was twenty one days of absolute hell which left no stone unturned, yet the unheard-of, bloodcurdling bombing of civilians which was ostensibly in self-defense against the ferocious Gazans. Houses were reprehended by F-16 jets and the ones which remained intact were condemned by scores of disgruntled missiles. The irony seems to be beyond cognition-How the luckiest we were!! while the entire world was celebrating a brilliant display of colors, marking the happy new year with showy parades of fireworks which enshrouded the sky by its blinding light as if it were right after sun-up in the noontime. As it may seem to a fanciful alien from Mars, we enjoyed the same auspicious experience but with much more effervescent fervidness. The kindly Israeli angels resolved to lavish on us with brand new, hellish type of fireworks. Normally, we see the fireworks ascending to the sky, but in our case they gently descends from the sky, and I dare say we ain't seen nothing yet.

As life in Gaza worsens, everyday I wander off the streets looking into dead faces-- the faces that are very much less visited by smile. People fear for their future, oh ya, their promising future….what the heck I am talking about?? Have you ever heard of the one who is clutching at straws in hope for better change?? We are much alike, but still our case is in irremediable despair. It is fashioned as a raft of hope that might help keep us a float as we are desperately trying to negotiate the snags and whirlpools of life. They are indulging in the masked unemployment and barely surviving the suffocating siege-particularly after the recent aggression. In the aftermath of the war, which left massive destruction to our houses, we heard many pusillanimous Arab leaders calling for immediate reconstruction operations. If they had only
succeeded in, of course other than condemning, begging the international council to give birth to a resolution in order to stop the war, then they could have lift the siege, and therefore things would be let in. But at least they got something for being good boys, the generous Israel declared a daily three-hour fire cessation to allow "civilians" get basic necessities….but they rarely did, the Israeli snipers were diligently vigilant and many Palestinian ingrates were killed during the so-called momentary cease-fire. Finally, and after seeming eternity in hard labor, a unilateral cease-fire was declared by Israelis, but the issue of withdrawal "to be discussed later"………..

Everything in Gaza is blinking tears, even our children are bemoaning their childhood, which said Good-bye long time ago. They don't even have the lowest form of that of any normal child in the world.

The injustice of it is almost perfect; water is being rationed for the Palestinian child, while Jewish child splashes about in it.

After the war, most of children are still psychologically suffering. On hearing any airplane overhead, they become panic-stricken and involuntarily run in for cover. Even in pastime, I watch them playing, hey, guess what?? playing Arabs & Jews game with guns(a gun-like piece of wood) in their hands, and the winner is, for sure, us. Their behavior irrevocably mirrors their desire for freedom, for returning to their ancestral land. There is only one question for which I crave an answer before I get along with death: what wrong, or more specifically, what crime those children have committed? Tell me...